hate me for this

I distinctly remember – there was a stage in my life when I wanted some people to hate me! It was because I started life with people loving me…wanted to experiment! I was a kid, too young, too naïve. I found myself out of that infatuation early enough to hurt my character.
I learnt something then. But don’t seem to recollect what it was; as I am unable to get some people to hate me again.
I am trying to be someone else, but I’m not able to. God help me? God help me not? I don’t know what will be good for me.